Counselling for overwhelmed parents
ready to enjoy family life again
Welcome to Demelza Therapy
This is counselling for overwhelmed parents, for the parent who feels like a boat that's been battered by one storm after another, and isn't sure how much longer they can keep going. You can barely catch your breath before the next thing lands. Some days your self-worth seems to hinge on whether the laundry got done, and you've started measuring a good day by whether you managed not to shout at your kids, even though you don't want to live like that. You're probably holding plenty together elsewhere, which can make it harder to admit how hard this feels at home.
You think you ought to be on the floor playing with your children, but the to-do list is too loud in your head to let you. Maybe you're dreading your in-laws coming round because you can't face their judgement on top of everything else you're carrying.
Needing a bit of support doesn't mean you've failed. It means you've noticed something worth paying attention to.
What Counselling for Overwhelmed Parents Focuses on
- Anxiety, overwhelm and the mental to-do list that never switches off
- Self-doubt, confidence and feeling like an imposter in your own life
- Perfectionism and the belief that getting everything right will keep everyone safe
- Birth trauma debriefing and integration
- Grief, loss and the big life transitions that come with parenthood
If your problems don't feel bad enough to bring to therapy
Many of the parents I see worry that their struggles aren't serious enough to deserve support. They compare themselves with people facing harder things and conclude they ought to be coping better on their own. So they try to work harder rather than smarter, hoping enough effort will eventually be enough. What tends to change in therapy isn't how hard you try, but how you relate to yourself, and your family, with more compassion, and ways of managing your own wellbeing and capacity that actually work. That's not another organisational technique.
I often think of people as precious stones lying beneath the water. Life happens, and over time the water can cloud. Anxiety, overwhelm, self-doubt, perfectionism, guilt and grief stir the mud until it's hard to see clearly.
Some people have had more mud stirred into their water than others. Some have spent years swimming against stronger currents. But the stone beneath stays just as precious.
One of the privileges of this work is helping the water settle. As it clears, people often reconnect with qualities that were never lost, only hidden from view for a while. Not becoming someone new, simply seeing themselves more clearly again.
What begins to change
Therapy here isn't about becoming a different person, or somehow becoming a parent who never loses their temper or drops the ball. It's more about noticing what's already good and true alongside the hard moments.
You might find a difficult day stops feeling like proof you're failing, and starts feeling like just a difficult day. You might notice you can rest without having earned it first, or get down on the floor and play without the to-do list shouting over the top of you. The waves of family life don't stop coming. Many people find they meet them with greater confidence in their capacity to keep swimming despite the currents, and with more trust in themselves.
A little about me
Hello, I'm Demelza. I'm an integrative therapist working with parents moving through anxiety, overwhelm, self-doubt and the pressure to get everything right, alongside the way parenthood changes who you are. I also support people through grief, loss and other significant life transitions. All sessions are online, so this can fit around a life that's probably already full.
You can read more about my training and the way I work on the About page.
Fees and Training
I hold a BA in International Development and an MA in Social Development, both from the University of East Anglia, along with a Diploma in Integrative Counselling from The Minster Centre in London.
I've also completed further training in complex grief, child loss, play therapy and trauma debriefing, and I'm a Registered Member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (MBACP, registration number 386808).
An initial 90 minute session is £120.
Ongoing weekly sessions are 50 minutes at £75.
There's also a Birth Debriefing package of three sessions for £250.
If you need to bring a babe-in-arms to a session, they're welcome.
Availability
I update this regularly so you can see whether I currently have space for new clients. At the moment, I have availability:
- Tuesday mornings and afternoons
- Wednesday afternoons
- Thursday afternoons
If you're interested in ongoing therapy or Birth Debriefing, you're welcome to get in touch to arrange a free 20 minute introductory call.
Getting in Touch
If what you've read here feels familiar, I'd love to hear from you. I offer a free 20 minute introductory call, so we can talk about what your looking for before you decide anything.
You can get in touch via email or though the contact form on this site, and there's no pressure for that first message to explain everything. A line or two is enough to start.
Contact Me
I am happy to discuss any queries or questions you may have prior to arranging an initial appointment. I offer a free 20 minute introductory call to give you a chance to ask any questions you might have, see if our diaries align and if we are a good fit.
Tell me a little about yourself and I'll be in touch to find a time for us to talk.
If you'd prefer to contact me directly feel free to email me: demelza.therapy@gmail.com
Frequently Asked Questions
For many people therapy is a new experience and that can be anxiety inducing. Also different types of therapy can feel different, so here is a taster of what it’s like to work with me.
I begin each session with "So" giving you the chance to see what is bubbling up within you at that moment. I will tune into where you are that day, and hold the bigger narrative of your story and hopes for your life going forward. I don't set homework. I trust the process of our therapeutic relationship to be supportive and grow your self-awareness even between sessions.
Empathically I tune into my clients trying to get a real sense of their unique life experiences and how they responded to them. Often I get images and metaphors that come to mind. That often make my clients laugh as they say “Yes! That’s exactly it!” Expressing the joy of feeling really seen and understood. These pictorial places of connection can become a shorthand between us in future sessions. This can be a very playful and creative way of working that increases the sense of safety between us. Alternatively they suggest a different image and we work with that. It really is a team endeavour.
The main modalities I draw on are Psychodynamic, Existential, Humanistic and Body psychotherapy. But the joy of being an Integrative Therapist is that I have many more ingredients in my kitchen, and I can use them in different ways. Psychosynthesis, Gestalt, CBT etc. all offer different flavours. Figuring out the right pace of the work is also a skill and a joint piece of work. So my clients are always free to opt out of any suggestions I make and we regularly have reviews to assess how we feel it's going.
This flexibility enables me to create a bespoke therapy for each client.
So there’s your taster. If you’d like to know what it is to be really nourished.
According to the most recent research online therapy is as effective as in-person therapy. (Therapy Today BACP Journal April 2024). The most important factor is the relationship between the therapist and the client.
This is why I do a free telephone call with all my clients before we begin so we can see if we're a good fit. It makes sense to me that since issues often arise through difficult relationships, that a healing relationship where you feel really valued would be the place for restoration.
One difference between working in person and online is that there is no commute or prepared space for you to arrive at for your therapy. Therefore it's worth taking a moment to read over my guide and prepare yourself and your space for our work together.
View my guide here.
My aim is to respond to emails within 24 hours during week days. We will then set up a time for our introductory 20 minute call as soon as our diaries align.
Usually the introductory session will then happen within the week. Next, we would arrange for counselling sessions to take place at the same time every week.
Everything that is said within the counselling room is private - this is one of the main ways counselling and therapy differ from talking to a friend or relative. Once you are comfortable with the format of weekly sessions and the safe space they provide, you will find the freedom to speak in confidence is of great value.
I am registered member of the BACP (British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy). Part of my commitment as an ethical professional involves attending regular supervision. During supervision I will use your first name only to protect client anonymity.
I take my GDPR commitments very seriously and am registered with the ICO. I give all my clients my privacy agreement and keep all records according to the guidance of the ICO (Information Commissioner's Office). If you have any concerns about how I handle your data, please contact me via email with the subject line with the subject line 'Data Complaint'. I will then acknowledge your complaint within 30 days.
Subsequently, if you want to make a formal complaint about the way I have processed your personal information you can contact the Information Commissioner’s Office: https://ico.org.uk/make-a-complaint/.
Note that there are some situations where you may be a risk to yourself or others, and there the law requires that I notify an authority; in these cases I may not be able to keep total confidentiality. Breaking confidentiality is very rare though, and ideally only happens after the person concerned has been informed.
Ideally counselling is a time for you to invest in yourself. This can be more challenging when there is another person in the room needing your attention.
However, we don’t live in an ideal world. So, if you need to bring babe-in-arms to our sessions, they are welcome.
Over the years, I have worked with people facing profound trauma, grief, and loss. I have also worked with people whose struggles might appear much smaller from the outside.
These experiences taught me that worth was never the thing being measured in the first place. Our worth comes from being alive. It is not something that has to be earned, proved, or measured. We are all worthy of love and belonging. One of the joys of my work is seeing people discover this afresh.
Many people arrive in therapy feeling that their problems are not serious enough. They compare themselves to others and conclude that they should be coping better, that other people need support more, or that their struggles are somehow too small to matter.
That's not my perspective.
I often think of people as precious stones lying beneath the water. Life happens, and over time the water can become clouded. Anxiety, overwhelm, self-doubt, perfectionism, guilt, grief, and painful experiences stir up the mud until it becomes difficult to see clearly.
Some people have had more mud stirred into their waters than others. Some have spent years swimming against stronger currents.
But the stone beneath remains equally precious.
One of the great privileges of this work is helping the water settle.
As the mud begins to clear, people often reconnect with qualities that were never lost, only hidden from view for a while.
Not becoming someone new.
Simply seeing themselves more clearly again.
Family issues do not have to passed on to the next generation.
Supporting your children to raise the next generation is a significant part of the journey.
Parenting today can feel very different to when you were raising your children.
Such shifts in culture and technology can lead to families fighting and struggling to value what the other generations have to offer.
If these kinds of challenges sound familiar, get in touch.
You don’t have the power to change your family, but you do have the power to change the way you connect with them.
You are never under pressure to continue counselling. When you begin to feel the work is drawing to an end, or if you don’t think it is working for you, I encourage you to discuss this with me as part of the counselling process. Rather than ending abruptly: it is best to have goodbye sessions where we can review our work; celebrate your achievements and plan how you can support yourself in the future.
If at any time I feel that counselling is no longer helpful or appropriate for you, I will discuss this with you.
As a BACP registered counsellor, I am bound by its Ethical Framework for Good Practice and am subject to its complaints procedure. Both are available on their website: www.bacp.co.uk. If you wish to make a complaint or raise a concern about my practice, please bring the issue to the sessions so we could talk about it together.