Counselling support for mums on the parenting journey
Welcome to Demelza Therapy
Anxiety around family issues does not have to dominate your life.
Counselling can help.
So much of mothering can feel like a flying by the seat your pants kind of experience. Life's surprises mean this will always be true to some extent, but having more supplies on board and feeling more equipped to deal with emergencies can make a big difference.
It can change the journey from one you're enduring to one you're enjoying.
Don’t wait for a crisis.
Therapy is definitely the place to bring the really hard stuff of life, but also with me, there is also lot of laughter! We play with metaphors that sometimes get stretched to far and reflect on some of the impossible contradictory positions society expects us to uphold.
I'm not here to judge you or your parenting. This is a space where all of you is fully welcome.
The parts or you that you're proud of, the parts that you'd rather keep hidden, the hopes that feel too fragile or far off.
Investing time to reflect on your priorities and values, will help you and your family to thrive. Now and in the future.
Counselling gives you access to new tools and strategic support on how you use them in your current situation.
Growing self-awareness can shift narratives around identities centred on low self-esteem.
Giving yourself the space to safely explore your story, allows new perspectives and fresh opportunities to arise.
I expect all my clients to grow in self-confidence and resilience.
Even if you are not a mum yet, support from an experienced therapist can help prepare you to be more like the mum you want to be.
Especially if there have been miscarriages and issues with infertility along the way.
If you'd like to know a bit more, email me. I offer a free twenty-minute introductory call,
so you can ask questions about the way I work and to see if we are a good fit.
New mums
Do you question who you are now?
Do you feel afraid of others judging your parenting?
Is the new baby impacting your relationship with your partner?
Being a new mum is full on. Everything changes: your body, your sleep, your name, your relationships, your levels of independence, your role in society. It’s no wonder many mothers feel anxious and overwhelmed. Choosing to take a moment to pause and reflect on who you are in this new season of life is a heathy choice.
Many mums experience:
- A sense of loss of identity
- Extreme tiredness leading to irritability
- Shaking and shock following a traumatic birth
- Low mood and mood swings
- A sense of overwhelm
- Relationship issues
- Increased self-doubt in the face of perfectionism and contradictory advice
- Increased susceptibility to depression and anxiety
This not an exhaustive list, but it gives a flavour of why you might be finding life tricky right now. Therapy offers you space to process the birth, freedom to just be you and learn more about who that is now. Professional support for mood swings and mental health challenges, gives you access to tools that are more likely to be the right fit for you and all in the context of a healing relationship.
I work online so you can get the support you need without having to leave the house.
Seasoned mums
Do you worry some of your issues will be passed on to your children?
Do you struggle to find the right balance of all the competing needs in your family?
Do you wonder if you even like your children?
Growing children increasingly ask for emotional support. But it’s hard to always know how respond, especially if the questions they ask touch your hurting places. Mums carry heavy burdens of hopes and fears for their children.
Growing in self-awareness is naturally part of being in counselling. This valuable insight has the power to shift your perspective and respond to situations in new ways. Supporting you as you grow in self-confidence, more able to trust your instinct and natural resilience.
Knowing yourself better will help you with all of life’s challenges and be a significant invest in your family’s future.
Expectant mums and those affected by miscarriage and still birth
Is it hard to trust your body to make a healthy baby?
Are you worried about being able to afford to raise a baby/another child?
Do you feel guilty for your ambivalence about being pregnant?
Holding new life within us is a powerful experience. It comes with powerful feelings too. Past experiences can shape how we respond to challenges. Unprocessed traumatic experiences can get stuck in the body. Fertility issues can mean so much us, that they shape almost every moment of everyday. Desperation to have baby or feeling rejecting towards the one you have, are really hard feelings to accept or even acknowledge. Anxiety and depression do not have to shape this journey for you. Therapy gives you an chance to get curious about your patterns, notice your triggers and in the safely of a healing relationship explore new options.
You don’t have to do it alone. Let’s look at it together and discover your sources of resilience.
Mums of the Neurodiverse
Raising small humans with differing or complex needs frequently demands extra from us.
- Extra sensory awareness,
- Extra communication with the child, but also the professionals around them,
- Extra effort to get access to the right professionals,
- Extra reading and learning, not to mention “unlearning” of past ways of responding,
- Extra growing awareness of other family members who also may also be neurodivergent - including yourself!
- Extra resources - no leaving the house without the fidget toys/ear defenders/chew necklace,
- Extra capacity to accept all the other extras!
Your job as a mum to a neurodiverse child may be one of the most meaningful and rewarding of your life but may, at times, also feel like the hardest. Parenting is a tough job and having to hold extra elements can be heavy and isolating.
Outside of your own parenting journey, you will have to learn to advocate for your child in the world, and potentially help them to navigate it without your help.
Many parents of neurodiverse children also feel an extra pressure to lead the way and heal many of the hurtful/traumatic responses from past generations.
So making space for yourself to sort through your own responses and feelings to this journey can feel like one too many extras.
Let’s do it together. In therapy, our aim is to make a space where you can adapt without feeling judged. While also celebrating and loving your child for their differences. We’ll make a space where all of your feelings are really welcome, even the parts that just wish it could be simpler.
About Me
I’d like to live in a world where ALL families laugh and play together; safe in the knowledge that when life throws a curveball, they have the tools and capacity to face the challenge together and grow in resilience.
As a therapist my clients repeatedly express gratitude for the new sense of freedom they feel in their everyday lives. More able to make choices in spaces where they thought they had none. Feeling more open, less anxious, adventurous even, as they face the future.
I trained as an Integrative Therapist at the prestigious Minster Centre in London. I have a master’s degree in Social Development and a BA in International Development from the University of East Anglia.
My experience in Holloway Prison counselling women with child loss issues means I have real knowledge and expertise in empathically working with complicated grief. I've also gone on to do further training to develop my natural creativity and sense of humour to bring the use of metaphors and storytelling into my work.
I have had further specialist training in, complex grief, child loss, play therapy with children, psychological first aid, and debriefing after traumatic incidents.
This training and experience was hugely supportive to me as I became a mum myself. This journey of motherhood has been full of surprises and challenges. I’ve felt so grateful and empowered by having these resources to draw upon. They’ve helped me relish the special moments of parenting and feel more robust in the really challenging ones.
Previously I spent 14 years working in the charity sector in various roles. The most rewarding being working with Humanitarian Aid workers helping them process their identity issues, work related stress
and experiences of traumatic incidents abroad.
Fun fact: I recently got mentioned on the parenting podcast “Parenting Hell” hosted by Josh Widdicombe and Rob Beckett. A show that makes me laugh out loud as it normalizes the stress of modern parenting.
When I’m not running my practise in Cardiff providing mums with a safe space for them to explore the issues that hold them and their families back from thriving.
You can find me on the school run trying to simultaneously plan dinner and engage in imaginary play, and longing to be wild swimming in Wales.
Fees & Availability
I usually meet with clients weekly on Zoom.
Each session is £60 and lasts 50 minutes.
In our initial session we’ll talk about your story, what’s bringing you to therapy now, and how I can help.
We’ll also explore what you want from therapy. It may be a few sessions on a specific issue, or more ongoing support for your journey.
This initial session costs £90 and lasts an hour and a half.
However, if getting childcare cover for that length of time is a challenge we can spread this over two shorter sessions.
Contact Me
I am happy to discuss any queries or questions you may have prior to arranging an initial appointment. I offer a free 20 minute introductory call to give you a chance to ask any questions you might have, see if our diaries align and if we are a good fit.
Frequently Asked Questions
For many people therapy is a new experience and that can be anxiety inducing. Also different types of therapy can feel different, so here is a taster of what it’s like to work with me.
I begin each session with "So" giving you the chance to see what is bubbling up within you at that moment. I will tune into where you are that day, and hold the bigger narrative of your story and hopes for your life going forward. I don't set homework. I trust the process of our therapeutic relationship to be supportive and grow your self-awareness even between sessions.
Empathically I tune into my clients trying to get a real sense of their unique life experiences and how they responded to them. Often I get images and metaphors that come to mind. That often make my clients laugh as they say “Yes! That’s exactly it!” Expressing the joy of feeling really seen and understood. These pictorial places of connection can become a shorthand between us in future sessions. This can be a very playful and creative way of working that increases the sense of safety between us. Alternatively they suggest a different image and we work with that. It really is a team endeavour.
The main modalities I draw on are Psychodynamic, Existential, Humanistic and Body psychotherapy. But the joy of being an Integrative Therapist is that I have many more ingredients in my kitchen, and I can use them in different ways. Psychosynthesis, Gestalt, CBT etc. all offer different flavours. Figuring out the right pace of the work is also a skill and a joint piece of work. So my clients are always free to opt out of any suggestions I make and we regularly have reviews to assess how we feel it's going.
This flexibility enables me to create a bespoke therapy for each client.
So there’s your taster. If you’d like to know what it is to be really nourished.
According to the most recent research online therapy is as effective as in-person therapy. (Therapy Today BACP Journal April 2024). The most important factor is the relationship between the therapist and the client.
This is why I do a free telephone call with all my clients before we begin so we can see if we're a good fit. It makes sense to me that since issues often arise through difficult relationships, that a healing relationship where you feel really valued would be the place for restoration.
One difference between working in person and online is that there is no commute or prepared space for you to arrive at for your therapy. Therefore it's worth taking a moment to read over my guide and prepare yourself and your space for our work together.
View my guide here.
My aim is to respond to emails within 24 hours during week days. We will then set up a time for our introductory 20 minute call as soon as our diaries align.
Usually the introductory session will then happen within the week. Next, we would arrange for counselling sessions to take place at the same time every week.
Everything that is said within the counselling room is private - this is one of the main ways counselling and therapy differ from talking to a friend or relative. Once you are comfortable with the format of weekly sessions and the safe space they provide, you will find the freedom to speak in confidence is of great value.
I am registered member of the BACP (British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy). Part of my commitment as an ethical professional involves attending regular supervision. During supervision I will use your first name only to protect client anonymity.
I take my GDPR commitments very seriously and am registered with the ICO. I give all my clients my privacy agreement and keep all records according to the guidance of the ICO (Information Commissioner's Office).
Note that there are some situations where you may be a risk to yourself or others, and there the law requires that I notify an authority; in these cases I may not be able to keep total confidentiality. Breaking confidentiality is very rare though, and ideally only happens after the person concerned has been informed.
Ideally counselling is a time for you to invest in yourself. This can be more challenging when there is another person in the room needing your attention.
However, we don’t live in an ideal world. So, if you need to bring babe-in-arms to our sessions, they are welcome.
The challenges and anxiety inducing pressures of parenting are experienced by dads and other adults in the home. So, although my focus is mums, it may be that the areas you want support with, align with my work.
Get in touch and lets find out.
Family issues do not have to passed on to the next generation.
Supporting your children to raise the next generation is a significant part of the journey.
Parenting today can feel very different to when you were raising your children.
Such shifts in culture and technology can lead to families fighting and struggling to value what the other generations have to offer.
If these kinds of challenges sound familiar, email me.
You don’t have the power to change your family, but you do have the power to change the way you connect with them.